Flawed: (A Psychological Dark Romance) (The Dark Necessities Prequels Book 1) Page 15

  “Still brooding, are we?” he murmured as he lay beside her afterwards.

  Her body had been wet and ready to receive him, but Lily’s mind was definitely somewhere else, and if she wasn’t prepared to be mature enough to tell him, then he would just have to find out for himself. Closing his eyes, Ethan prepared to penetrate her thoughts.

  “No!”

  The sharpness of her tone surprised him, and he blinked his eyes back open as he rolled his head sideways to look at her.

  “I’m sorry, sir, but no,” she corrected herself. “Please don’t look into my head any more. I really don’t…” her voice trailed away. “I just don’t like it.”

  Ethan inhaled. “Is that a request, or an order?” he mused aloud.

  Lily ran her fingers through her long hair. “It’s just how I feel,” she answered as she met his eye. “And I’d appreciate it if you’d respect my wishes on this.”

  The look in those beautiful green eyes was one of pure determination, and the sight made Ethan’s stomach twist. Had he ever seen that look from her before? He wasn’t sure, but he hoped it wasn’t going to become a regular occurrence.

  “Okay,” he replied after a moment. “If that’s how you really feel then, of course, I’ll respect your wishes, beautiful.”

  She swallowed at his reply, and he could tell she was close to tears again. “Thank you,” she murmured. “I’m going to use the bathroom.”

  Ethan nodded as he watched her fine arse disappear from his bedroom door. With her gone, he was finally able to run through the events of the prior evening more clearly. Evidently, something had happened that had left Lily in turmoil, and based on what he had ascertained from her thoughts last night, it centered around how much she’d enjoyed being degraded. The idea warmed Ethan as he stretched back against the soft covers. After all, it was perfect for a man like him—a man who wanted to demean and subjugate—but he knew he’d have to play this moment carefully. This was new for Lily, and clearly, she was having trouble processing the myriad of emotions she was experiencing. His mind flitted back to the way she had lapped up the rest of his cum, her tongue working down over his shaft to his balls. Ethan’s cock stirred at the memory. Fuck, it had been hot to witness, but maybe he had pushed her too hard, too fast? And then there had been the sensational sex in the doorway of his bedroom, while she was tied to the coat pegs. That had been some of the best of Ethan’s life.

  The best, his head concluded.

  “Can you take me home, please?”

  Lily’s small voice cut through the pleasant image in Ethan’s head, and he looked up to find her dressed in the doorway. Evidently, Lily had found her clothes downstairs and had taken the time he lie there thinking to ready herself.

  “Now?” he asked, rising to his elbows to assess her face.

  “Please,” she repeated. “I need some time to think. If that’s okay, sir?”

  There was just a flicker of his little Lily in that sentence, and instinctively he wanted to wrap her up in his arms and kiss her.

  “Of course,” he replied, leaping out of bed and striding to where he’d flung his pants in the throes of passion last night. “I just wondered if you wanted to talk first?”

  Ethan saw her face flinch at his question, but he couldn’t tell which emotion had caused the reflex—and he had told her he would no longer pry.

  “Can we talk tomorrow?” she responded. “I mean, if you still want to meet, that is?”

  “Sure,” he mumbled, pulling an old sweater over his head. Ethan wasn’t happy with the assertion, but he knew Lily well enough to know she probably did need the time to think. The time without him. A shroud of misery landed over him as the realization settled. He’d pushed too hard, too fast, and fucked up the only decent thing in his life—the best, most amazing thing he’d ever had.

  What had he done?

  “Tomorrow it is.”

  Half an hour later, Ethan dropped Lily home. He waited in the car as she strode away, carrying the small case she had brought with her. Watching her go was like a dagger to the heart. Something was wrong, that much was for sure, and based on her behavior this morning, Ethan couldn’t help but think it was about more than just the blow job last night, or the way he’d demanded she lap his fingers clean upstairs.

  “Shit!”

  He banged his fist down against the steering wheel as she turned the corner and vanished from his line of sight. He should have made her stay—he should have made her talk! But Ethan knew that was bullshit. That wasn’t what their connection was about. He couldn’t force her to stay, or to talk. Hell, he couldn’t force her to do anything.

  You forced her to go down on you last night, sniped the irritating little voice in his head. And you fucked her face—even when you knew she was scared and confused—you just kept on going, didn’t you? Taking what you want. Just like you always have. Just like you always will. Quite the Casanova, Reilly…

  “Shut up,” he snarled, but as Ethan looked around, his eyes told him what he already knew. There was no one else there.

  Ethan was out of control, and he hated it. Since he’d met Lily he’d always felt in control. In control of her, of them, but more importantly, of himself, but now, he could sense that composure slipping away. Starting the engine, he drove the car away from Lily’s neighborhood. He tried not to think about her sad little face, or her provocative behind. In fact, as he turned onto the main road, he pushed Lily from his thoughts completely.

  Ethan needed something else now. Something he hadn’t needed for a while—he needed to hunt.

  He scoured the nearby roads for hours, looking for someone who took his fancy, but it was a Sunday, and most places were quiet. There was a part of his brain that knew it was a stupid plan—illogical—but it was like Ethan couldn’t help himself. Everything was unsettled now that he and Lily were no longer aligned, and he threw himself into the hunt as a distraction. He didn’t want to think about the flaws in their connection. He couldn’t think about it anymore. Now, he just wanted some short-term gratification, something to take the hurt away, but to his absolute disgust, there was nothing. No one of any note who was worth the effort, anyhow. He might be disgruntled and distracted, but he wasn’t a complete idiot. Ethan wasn’t going to snatch a woman from the streets in broad daylight—he’d never get away with that—nobody would.

  Driving on in despondence, Ethan soon lost track of where he was. It seemed like he was driving in circles, and maybe he was. Each street looked the same, the shops as empty and desolate as he felt inside. It was then that he spotted her, the look of her long legs and shapely backside bringing him back to reality. All of a sudden, Ethan knew exactly where he was, and who it was in his sight.

  Perfect…

  He pulled up to the edge of Sloan Park, watching her approach in his rear-view mirror. The blonde was completely oblivious to everything except her make-up, and Ethan had to rev his engine to get her attention as she walked past.

  The noise made her stop, and those long legs spun back in his direction. The look in her brown eyes made it obvious that she recognized him, but Ethan lifted his chin regardless, beckoning her forward with the same finger that had commanded Lily only hours earlier. She eyed him intently for a moment, clearly trying to decide what his intention was, but he saw the moment she ceded—her vanity winning the battle with her logic. Striding back toward the car, she opened the passenger door.

  “Ethan,” she exclaimed, lowering her body to look into the car. “You’re Ethan, right? The guy Lily’s been seeing? The one who helped us out with those morons?”

  His gaze fell over her, taking in the look of her firm tits and her heavily made up face. “Hello, Jody,” he purred. “Can I give you a lift somewhere?”

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  He was waiting for Lily the next day—just like always. She looked nervous as she approached the car, those green eyes wider than he expected.

  “Hi,” she breathed as she opened the door and slipped i
nside. “I wasn’t sure if you’d come.”

  Ethan threw her an inquisitive glance. “Of course I’d come,” he replied gently. “I said I would, and here I am. Are you feeling better?”

  Lily tucked the strands of hair behind her cute little ears. “I’m sorry about that,” she murmured.

  “About what?”

  She bit her lip. “Yesterday. I was a bitch to you, and you didn’t deserve it.”

  Ethan knew his brow was arching as he gazed back at her. He hadn’t anticipated her being so contrite. “Okay,” he replied. “You’re forgiven, although you should probably take a turn over my knee for your behavior, young lady.”

  She squirmed at his words, and Ethan’s cock thickened on demand. “Whatever you think is best, sir,” she answered with a furtive glance in his direction.

  He wanted to laugh at that. After everything—all the apparent trauma and miscommunication—now she wanted to play the temptress! Lily was utterly intoxicating.

  “I’m ready to talk now,” she went on. “If you are?”

  Ethan sighed. He hadn’t meant to, but somehow the noise just slipped from his lips. Now she wanted to talk? Now?

  “Actually, I’m a little too tired for talking,” he told her. “I had an awful sleep last night.”

  Lily blanched. “Me too,” she said in little more than a whisper. “I felt so guilty. I should have stayed at your house and told you how I was feeling, I—”

  “Lily.” The resonance of his voice cut her off completely. “It’s okay. I get it. It’s just, I’m weary and we don’t have much time. You were late today?”

  She nodded, but he didn’t have to read her mind to see how crushed she was at his words. “Yes,” she whispered. “Jody didn’t turn in today. No one knows where she is, and it’s doubled my workload.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that.”

  Lily offered him a small smile. “You don’t have to be sorry,” she murmured. “It’s not your fault.”

  Ethan leaned over to her seat, reaching for her knee. Her body tensed as he squeezed it gently. “You do seem tired. Shall I take you straight home?”

  She bit her lips as she met his eyes. “Thank you, Ethan,” she told him, and the earnest expression suggested she meant it. “You’re so good to me.”

  He returned her sentiment, or at least, he tried to, but as he watched her in the passenger seat, Ethan’s mind kept flitting back to the blonde who’d sat there the day before. Taking Jody had been reckless and downright idiotic, but when push had come to shove, he hadn’t been able to resist. It was just too easy—she was too easy.

  They’d gone to her parents’ place. Jody had told him right from the outset that no one else would be home, and Ethan had known what that meant. It meant sex. No strings sex. That was what she was in it for, and he was happy to let her believe that was the deal, but Jody had no idea of the price she was going to have to pay. Ethan wasn’t interested in fucking Jody—he never had been. The woman had nothing on his little Lily, and as Jody had begun to strip from her mini-skirt to reveal the stockings hidden below, that was all he could think about.

  Lily.

  What was he doing here? He didn’t want sex with Jody, he only wanted to feel his hands around her throat. He only wanted to feel the life slipping from her…

  “Sir?”

  The tone of that word stirred Ethan from the bleak memory, and his gaze darted back to the gorgeous brunette beside him.

  “Are you okay? You seem distracted.”

  He sighed again. “Yes, beautiful,” he replied. “I’m fine. Just frustrated about yesterday, I guess.”

  Lily swallowed and reached for his hand at her leg. “I am sorry about that,” she insisted. “What can I do to make it up to you?”

  Ethan took in the look of her. Christ, he wanted to take her home and gobble her up. He’d tan her arse for her performance yesterday and fuck her until she screamed his name. But he couldn’t do that. There was no time, and they both knew it.

  Fuck.

  He needed Lily again. He needed her to wash away his sins.

  “Don’t worry, Lily,” he mumbled in a soft tone. “I’ll think of something.”

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Lily lie awake for a long time, but sleep hadn’t come for the second night running. That was unusual these days. Since the night she’d first met Ethan, her head only had to touch the pillow, and she’d fallen into a deep and satisfying sleep, punctuated by the exquisite and intimate dreams they shared. But, not tonight. Tonight was different.

  She rolled onto her side, replaying the events of their last meeting through her mind for the thousandth time. There was nothing obvious that should be keeping her awake, and yet there was something. A nagging aspect of Ethan’s behavior that had jarred in some way. Or maybe it wasn’t his behavior at all; maybe it was just his demeanor. He seemed different in some vital, but unknown way, and the fact that Lily couldn’t put her finger on what was wrong bothered her.

  Ethan had implied that she, too, had some intuitive abilities, and even though she seemed able to hear his thoughts when their senses were heightened, Lily had scoffed at the idea. She knew she wasn’t like Ethan—she couldn’t read people’s minds—and to be honest, she was glad of the fact. The last thing she’d want was to know what most people were really thinking, but in Ethan’s case, her lack of telepathy was infuriating. She hoped he would respect her request to stay out of her head, but still—it was hardly fair when one half of a partnership could read the other’s mind.

  A partnership.

  The word reverberated around her mind, and she blinked into the darkness at the realization. That’s what they were now, wasn’t it? A partnership? For some reason, Lily had never looked at their relationship that way before now, although she’d known for a while that Ethan had become essential for her happiness and peace of mind. How had that happened? How did the carefree Lily of old—the one who used to be so concerned about what color mini skirt to borrow from Jody—become so attached to this man? Their meeting had seemed so predestined; their connection so instantaneous, and it had all felt so right—Lily hadn’t queried any of it. She’d just been swept up in the wave of emotions. All the longing and the lust, and the angst when they couldn’t be together, it had become a comfort blanket for her, and Lily hadn’t even thought to question any of it. Until now.

  She sighed, pulling her fingers through her long, dank hair as she tried to make sense of it all. What was it about Ethan that had made her start to think this way? What about his demeanor had initiated this insidious thought process? Lily racked her brain, trying to recall. Had he been distant with her? Less loving? No, she didn’t think so, although there was something in his eyes that she hadn’t noticed before yesterday—a cold void that she swore hadn’t been there before.

  Probably just her guilt, she reconciled, for the way she had acted at his house. Lily did feel awful about that morning, and though she hadn’t truly deliberated on her own lustful responses to Ethan’s demands, she knew it wasn’t right to blame him. He hadn’t made her body soaking wet as she’d lapped up his cum and begged for his cock. She had done that. Her brain had done it.

  Yes, that was it, Lily decided, and the sudden acknowledgement was startling, making her sit bolt upright in her bed. That was it. She had done that. Perhaps it wasn’t Ethan, at all? Damn it, she had to talk to him. If only she hadn’t pushed him away at his house when he’d suggested they talk; if only she’d listened. But no, Lily was defiant, and she thought she knew better—just like always—and now something was different; something was wrong with Ethan. She could feel it in her core.

  Reaching for her night stand, she flicked on the lamp, and blinked into the half-light. She wouldn’t be able to see him for hours yet, and even then, they’d only have few fleeting minutes as he drove her home. That wouldn’t be enough to decipher what had shifted in his head, Lily knew that already. To be able to know that for sure, she’d need to get inside it, and the only way s
he knew how to do that was via their dreams. Lily wasn’t telepathic, but she had been able to connect with Ethan’s dreamscape for days now. Taking a sip of water from the glass on her night stand, Lily flicked off the lamp and settled back into bed. She had to get to sleep, and she had to find Ethan’s dreams. Once she was there, she could see him for herself. She could decide what had happened to create the eerie void in his gaze, and they could finally talk. Once she was there, Lily knew everything would be okay again.

  She hadn’t come to him, but in a strange way, he was glad. He’d always loved their nights together, here in his father’s old sitting room, but the compulsion he’d experienced yesterday had shaken him to the core, and Ethan needed time to be alone in his mind—time to think. Ever since he’d met Lily, the urge to take another and kill had diminished, fading to a point where he’d felt certain he no longer needed that anymore. He didn’t need that darkness to survive. Lily filled that ominous void with her light. Yet seeing Jody yesterday had changed all that in a flash, and for the life of him, he couldn’t understand why.

  He’d barely given any thought to Jody before, and while he recalled her from that first night on the empty street, all he really remembered was how she had tried to flaunt herself—pushing herself in front of Lily after he’d sent the other guys packing. He’d listened to some of the stories Lily had told him about her friend, the appetite she had for men and parties, and he sensed that Jody didn’t appreciate his presence much. He was, after all, the man who had come between her and Lily, but it had never bothered him much. So, what had happened to change things? What had been different? Yes, things had been unsettled with Lily, but that couldn’t have been enough to allow the darkness back in, so what was different?

  Nothing was different.

  It was the knowing little voice in his head that answered, a strange realization when Ethan was already alone inside the place his mind created in sleep, but even here it seemed he wasn’t free of its cruel self-analysis.