Flawed: (A Psychological Dark Romance) (The Dark Necessities Prequels Book 1) Read online

  “It’s complicated,” he murmured in response.

  He wasn’t sure if he truly wanted to get into any kind of defense for his actions at that moment. In fact, Ethan wasn’t even sure there was a defense, but there were some mitigating circumstances. He had known this day would come. He knew Lily would have to be told about his crimes, but Ethan had no meditative visions to help him out of this one. Nothing he had foreseen gave him any knowledge of how she would receive the news. All he knew was that he had to get her through this part of the process.

  If that was possible.

  She shook her head at him, apparently not ready to hear his best defense anyway. “How many, Ethan?” she was practically shaking with emotion now, and the way her small hands had balled into fists suggested that it was anger she was struggling to contain. “How many have you killed?”

  Ethan watched her reaction with genuine interest. He supposed in her place, many other women might have responded with shock and fear, but not his Lily. Or not entirely. Certainly, there was shock, that much was obvious and to be expected, but it was pure fury he saw rising in her eyes now. She wasn’t scared of him at all, and for some reason, he found that fact bemusing. As he gazed at her now, there was no sign of fear. Whatever her body language had demonstrated earlier seemed to have been vanquished by his admission. He was smiling as he took in the sight of the woman before him. Lily might be small in stature, but she was bloody fierce all the same.

  “I don’t know,” he told her, and it was the truth. He didn’t. Not anymore. As awful as it might sound to her ears, Ethan hadn’t been keeping count.

  Her lips parted as she absorbed his answer. “What?” she hissed. “How can you not know?”

  “It’s the truth,” he assured her. “I don’t do this for trophies. I might be twisted, but I’m not that fucking sick.”

  Lily lifted her hand to her face, and rubbed the side of her cheek as though she was trying to understand what the hell was going on. Ethan guessed he could relate. One moment they’d been fucking and exchanging sentiments of love, and now he’d dropped this bomb. Her head was probably spinning.

  “Then why?” she blinked up at him, her gaze just as unrelenting as ever. “Why, Ethan? Why did you do it to those women? Those poor women!”

  Her voice rose into a cry, before finally breaking, and Lily turned away, moving back toward the door.

  “Forget it,” she shrieked, grabbing her purse from the side of the couch. “I’ve heard enough, Ethan. Where are my clothes? I’m going home.”

  “No!” he cried, and in a matter of seconds, his long strides had caught up with her. “Don’t go yet. Stay, and let’s talk about this. I’ll take you home soon.”

  “You can’t be serious!” she sneered at him. “Are you being fucking serious?”

  Ethan loomed over her, aware of the way his eyes had narrowed. That was the second time Lily had sworn at him, and there wasn’t going to be a third. Striding toward the door before she could get there, he effectively blocked her exit.

  “I know you’re upset, Lily,” he started. “And believe me, I get it. You’re shocked, and appalled, and angry and scared.”

  “I am not scared of you!” she shouted, jabbing him in the chest with her index finger.

  “Okay,” he replied, suppressing the urge to laugh at the gesture.

  He’d never seen her this way before, but as it turned out, she looked fucking hot when she was mad.

  “But that doesn’t mean you get to be rude and disrespectful,” he went on. “I have done what you asked—I’ve been honest—and I know there’ll be ramifications for us, but that doesn’t mean there won’t also be consequences for you if you keep overstepping the line.”

  “What?” she snapped, shaking her head in disbelief. He watched as her beautiful mane of dark hair flew out around her face. “What are you talking about, consequences? I want to go home, Ethan. Move out of my way.”

  Now it was his turn to shake his head. “Not until we’ve discussed this,” he told her firmly. “And I mean respectfully discussed it. One more cuss word from you, Lily and I will have you back over my knee in a heartbeat.”

  Lily panted in response. It looked as though she might literally burst into flames if he wasn’t careful.

  “There’s no way!” She was actually screaming now as she tried to push past his body to get to the door behind Ethan’s back. “There’s no way you’re doing that. There’s no way you’re ever going to do that to me again.”

  Ethan took a small step backwards, pressing his frame into the door. She wasn’t going to be getting past him any time soon. “Calm down.”

  “Calm down?” she snapped, practically hysterical at his comment. “How can I calm down? My boyfriend has just confessed to be the serial killer the police are looking for, and he won’t let me leave! How the hell can I be calm?”

  She had a point there, but while some rational part of Ethan’s brain could comprehend her reaction, the other part—the portion that was in control— was not enjoying this one bit. Furthermore, he had meant what he’d said just now. One more outburst from Lily, and he’d be forced to discipline her for disrespect. Confession, or no confession.

  “I know it’s a shock,” he answered, trying once again to reason with the woman trembling before him. She was still looking for ways to pass his body, and make her exit, and Ethan could see her gaze taking in the size and shape of the door frame. “Not what you expected—not what you wanted to hear—and I get that, but it’s done now. I killed them, and they’re not coming back, Lily. Just like I told you, I can’t take it back. I can’t bring any of them back.”

  Something seemed to resonate at those words, and finally some of the fight appeared to slip from her. Her arms sagged by her side for the first time since he’d told her, and she looked up at him with large watery eyes.

  “You tried to warn me,” she conceded in a throaty tone. “You tried to tell me that I wouldn’t want to hear it, but I wouldn’t listen. Why wouldn’t I listen, Ethan?”

  Lily’s voice broke into a low sob, and instinctively, he moved toward her, wanting to offer her comfort.

  “No!” she sobbed, twisting her body away from his hand as she stumbled out of his reach. “Don’t touch me. I don’t want you anywhere fucking near me.”

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Lily’s mind raced with a myriad of competing emotions. Shock seemed to resonate from her every pore, though she didn’t really know why that was—given that she’d been the one who’d already guessed at Ethan’s secret—and she’d been the one who’d demanded he tell her aloud. But hearing it from him, and hearing his so-called explanations, had sent her spiraling into an uncontrollable rage. She’d never experienced anything like it before, and all at once, all of the questions his earth-shattering admission had raised flew into her mind.

  How could he?

  How could the man she had fallen for so hard be capable of such heinous things? Lily didn’t know all the details of the murders, but she had read enough in her father’s newspaper to know some of them, and the thought that Ethan had done those things made her want to be sick. Cold dread washed through her body at the thought of what had transpired. How could she have been stupid enough to have fallen for a man like that? A man who could do those things? A fucking murderer! That made her almost as upset and angry with herself as she was with him.

  Wiping away the tears in her eyes, she gazed up at his expression. Instinctively, she darted back into the room when she saw the storm in his gaze. The oceans in Ethan’s eyes had darkened, and now the waters looked ominous and oppressive.

  “What did I tell you about your language?”

  Ethan’s question echoed around the room like thunder.

  “Stay away from me,” she told him again. “I mean it, Ethan. Stay. Away.”

  “And I meant it, too,” he told her sternly. “I will not tolerate your disrespect.”

  Lily balked at that concept. “So, I can’t swear, but it
’s okay for you to go and kill some random women?” she shouted at him. “Have you heard yourself? What is actually wrong with you?”

  “I’m not proud of what I did, Lily,” he replied in a low tone.

  She blinked up into his eyes. He might not be proud, but she didn’t see any remorse in them, either. “What about sorry?” she asked him outright. “Are you sorry for what you’ve done—for the lives you’ve taken?”

  That seemed to make Ethan pause for a moment. “It’s difficult to explain,” he answered eventually. “But I will, Lily. For you, I will take the time to analyze the man I’ve become, but that doesn’t mean you get to be insolent. My previous warning still stands, and I’m afraid you just smashed straight through it with that pretty mouth of yours.”

  “I’m not going to let you spank me again,” she told him in little more than a hiss. “Not after this.”

  Ethan stared down at her, his gaze somehow even more foreboding than before. “I know you’re not.”

  Lily’s heart raced at that. Something about the statement seemed so inherently ominous. “Then let me go home,” she repeated. “Let me go now and think about all of this. I need some time, Ethan. I need—"

  Lily never got to finish that sentence. He closed the space between them in one long stride, and one of those long fingers pressed her lips into silence. She meant to retreat further into the room—to get away from his advance—and she fully intended to, except before Lily could even register what had happened, Ethan was there. He had moved into the space behind her, one arm snaking around her body and pinning her left arm down by her side, while the other pressed the whole weight of his giant palm down against her mouth. The move effectively gagged her, and blind panic flooded Lily’s brain in an instant.

  “What are you doing?” she screamed, or at least, she tried to scream, but the words were trapped behind the gag of Ethan’s hand, and all Lily could make out was a string of mumbled consonants.

  That’s when she began to fight.

  Lily’s head still hadn’t fully processed what was happening, but it didn’t seem to matter. Her brain knew this was bad. Being held in place and gagged by your boyfriend was not normal, and it sure as hell wasn’t a good sign—especially when the aforementioned man had just confessed to being the country’s most recent serial killer. Her free hand clawed at the palm covering her mouth, instinctively trying to free the thing that was stopping her from calling out. Lily had never been gagged before, but she didn’t like the sensation one bit, and even though Ethan had left enough room for her to breathe through her nose, the idea of not being able to get enough air was unbearable. It filled her mind with panic, making her scratch and kick at the obstacle holding her in place. She clawed at the back of his hand with all her might, trying to prize it from her mouth, but to no avail.

  “Lily.”

  The deep timbre of his voice vibrated past her ear, and somehow she recognized the sound of his mild amusement at her struggle. The thought only made her want to fight harder.

  “Settle down, Lily,” he warned her. “Settle down and I won’t have to bind you.”

  Bind her?

  The words resonated through her head like a bomb which had just detonated, sending Lily into a fresh state of terror.

  “Nooo!” she was trying to scream from behind his hand.

  She didn’t want to be bound by Ethan again—not now—and after this evening’s revelation, maybe not ever. Lifting her right foot, she brought her heel crashing back into his shins with force. As much force as she could muster.

  “Lily!”

  He sounded angry this time, and somehow the word struck fear into her body.

  Get away, her brain was commanding. She had to get away! And yet even as she was pondering her plight, Ethan was moving. The hand at her middle tightened and before Lily knew what was happening, she was being dragged back toward the couch.

  Lily screeched into his skin as she lost her footing, the hand at his palm tightening around his wrist out of instinct. As much as she wanted him off her, she also didn’t want to fall and hurt herself. The aggressor, for the time being at least, had also seemed to become her protector. Her need to hang onto him as instinctive as her desire to get away.

  “Oh, Lily,” he was saying as he forced her body backwards. “It didn’t have to be this way.”

  Caught completely off guard, Lily blinked wildly as he maneuvered her back to where they had previously been sitting. Where they have previously sat and chatted—it seemed like a thousand years ago now.

  “All you had to do was stay calm and listen to me.” Ethan’s voice echoed around her, as though the soft furnishings had suddenly started to repel sound, rather than absorb it. “All you had to do was be courteous and respectful, but no—that seemed too much to ask.”

  They were back on the sofa by now. Lily had sat on his lap before, and she’d fantasized about being able to many more times before that, but this whole deed just seemed openly hostile. Ethan pulled her down to sit between his legs, her back to his front, her bottom flush against his groin. The arm at her waist held her steady as Ethan growled softly into her ear again.

  “I am going to punish you for your disrespect, beautiful,” he told her in a tone so dark that it made her physically shudder. “And after that, we’ll talk about what comes next.”

  What comes next?

  Ethan’s words pinballed around Lily’s mind, as she tried to make sense of them, but the truth was, there was no making sense of this. The last half an hour had changed everything, turning the relationship she’d thought was loving and exciting, into something from one of those late night cop shows her parents never wanted her to watch. And it turned out that Ethan wasn’t only her enigmatic, older lover with the compelling capacity to read her mind, he was also a cold-blooded mass killer, and worse still, she had no idea what would happen next.

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Things had moved faster than Ethan had anticipated. In his mind, when he’d imagined telling Lily about his crimes, the discussion had been calm, and he’d always been in control. He’d never envisioned this—a situation where Lily would lose her temper, disrespecting him—and he’d certainly not considered any scenarios where he would need to use force to placate her. Clearly, he had underestimated her. Yet, here they were. Lily was trapped under the weight of his strong arms, her body quivering as he stopped to catch his breath. On the surface, nothing had changed for Ethan. He had no intention of recklessly hurting her—but he’d also meant what he said. He was going to tan her backside for the way she’d spoken to him, and after that, he’d have to find some way to contain Lily until she calmed down.

  There was no way he could take her home in this state. The poor woman was part enraged and part terrified, but more than either of those, Lily was obviously shocked by his news. That was to be expected, but because Ethan hadn’t planned on making the revelation tonight, everything had unraveled in a messy, complicated way. He would never have prepared to tell her such disturbing news only an hour before she had to be home. In his mind, he would have driven her somewhere else—somewhere neutral like a nice bed and breakfast—where they could have ideally stayed the night, and he’d have disclosed the admission early on, allowing Lily time to freak out, and then, digest the news. Everything about the way this had happened was wrong, and it had forced his hand. Now, Ethan had no time to talk Lily down. She was due home in an hour, and based on what he knew about her parents, if she was more than only a few moments late, then the police were likely to be called.

  Lily’s body had finally stopped fighting. While he could still sense the tension in it, she had slumped back against him and was no longer trying to scream from underneath his palm. Slowly, he tilted his head, trying to catch the expression on her face, before he spoke to her once more.

  “I’m going to remove my hand now,” he told her in a much softer tone than before. “And when I do, I want you to be quiet, Lily. Nod if you can do that for me.”

&
nbsp; From against his chest, Lily’s head began to nod in concurrence, and Ethan could just make out her eyes, wide with enthusiasm for the idea. He inhaled deeply before he took any action, and even then, he intentionally moved in an unhurried fashion. He loved Lily, but he wanted her to understand who was in charge. Whatever her fantasies on the subject of domination, now Lily had no choice. Now, if she didn’t want things to take a very dramatic turn for the worse, she would have to surrender to him.

  As he shifted his large palm away from her mouth, Ethan braced himself, half expecting Lily to let out a God almighty scream. He’d never had the chance to actually gag her before, so he had very little idea how she was going to react to the forced silence, but everything about her demeanor had told him how little she appreciated it.

  Shame, he mused as he shifted his weight to gaze down at the side of her pretty face. Because, he had always rather enjoyed the look of a beautiful young woman in a gag, and he had the distinct feeling that she would be wearing one for him at some stage.

  “Thank you,” he murmured in response to her compliance, and Lily’s eyes darted to meet his in a heartbeat.

  Ethan watched as her lips parted, his muscles tightening in preparation for some unwelcome noise, but Lily only took in a large mouthful of air.

  “I understand why you’re upset,” he went on, keeping his tone deliberately calm. “But your response has left me with something of a conundrum to resolve.”

  This time her head twisted in his direction.

  “Ethan.” Her voice was little more than a small squeak.

  He felt his gaze narrow at the sound of his name. He still hadn’t given her permission to speak.